Too many people are deeply unhappy right now.They've received their stimulus checks (yay!) but all their fave small businesses have closed (ugh!) so they don't know what to do with all that cash.
Some people purchased part of a Bitcoin, which made them feel super smart! But then they forgot their passwords, which made them feel dumb and embarrassed... They've shelled out big bucks for sourdough starters, grownup-sized onesies and tickets for airplanes that don't go anywhere, but somehow there remains a gaping VOID IN THEIR SOULS that even the swankiest of decorative pillows can not fill. |
We get it: handling money is hard. And all YOU want is to be happy!
That's why we now sell the one thing you've always wished you could purchase.
(And no, Amazon doesn't have it.) Our newest membership package is designed to:
So you can grin until your face hurts, no matter what dark shit is happening on the news-- and even if you run out of cookies!! |
I always thought money couldn't buy happiness. Boy, was I wrong.
That's what YOU will say after you buy the incredible product we are selling on this page.
Introducing...
The Only Subscription You Ever Need
One Low Monthly Fee
Unlimited Contentment
⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️
Your Happiness Package includes:
- Flights to anywhere in the world with our partner United Airlines *please review their policies here
- Unlimited skydiving experiences
- Unlimited deep sea scubadiving **swimming lessons not included
- Television removal service
- 1 real deal solid gold true friend!
- Internet disconnection service
- A friend that claims to be a true friend but only hangs out once in a while, but still brings a bottle of wine when they come over so it's cool
- A significant tax reduction***depends on what Congress says
- Members-only stock options in (****future) Fortune 500 companies
- Monthly 1-on-1 dinner by candlelight with you and a special guest of your choice:
- The Dalai Lama
- Bikram Choudhury
- Neil deGrasse Tyson
- This guy
- Molly Ringwald
- The cast of Miami Vice
- Jesus (****not that one)
- The 2 remaining members of Bananarama
- The Buddha
- or MC Hammer!!
- Access to exclusive offers from our partners, including:
- An Unlimited Membership to Home Hot Yoga (duh)
- And more! (let's be real there are like 2 more perks)
That's right... HAPPINESS can be yours, with all of this included for a low low monthly fee!
Getting started is easy:
- Click the button to buy your Happiness Package today!
- Tell all your friends to buy it too.
From the moment I purchased my Happiness Package, I felt completely... complete! My dinner with Bananarama was AH-mazing, I'm finally getting rid of that weird toaster tattoo on my bottom, and I even have a date with a dude from Tinder!
That's what 1 person said already, and we've never even sold this package before today!! What are the odds.
You clearly need what we are selling! So hand over your scrilla and leave the rest to us:
You clearly need what we are selling! So hand over your scrilla and leave the rest to us: